It’s been a while since I wrote anything of length here. As usual, ideas and thoughts have been bubbling away in my subconscious for weeks leading up to this. Moments of drama and disappointment have built up in layers, on one hand forcing me to retreat behind a polite smile, but at the same time pouring oil onto the embers smouldering away deep inside me.
For so many weeks now it’s seemed as if my world has been turning slightly off-balance. It’s very much felt like a constant build up of cumulative weight of obstacle after dramatic incident. No single one has been enough to derail me, but each has hit without time between for me to find my feet. I know it’s not over yet too. At least when I know what sort of week I am facing I can be prepared.
This piece of writing has changed direction. Before this morning it was destined to be a piece about how all these events have left me feeling: as if I am standing confused and distant from life and people; as if perceive things completely differently from everyone else, and react in ways which catch others by surprise.
This was heading towards being a piece of writing apologising for why the normally patient person that I am is prone to standing up for myself more readily than at other times. So often people tell me that I am kind. It makes me wince a little to hear because I think it’s how everyone ought to be. Life is always hurling things at each and every one of us, so if I can give someone a hand, or a kind word, I will. That truly doesn’t mean that I am a doormat though. By all means take me for granted, because that’s a great way for me to see you clearly and remove at least one of the obstacles from my own happiness.
Some of you have seen how readily I will defend those I truly care about. It took a conversation this morning to make me realise that what I do for those people, I really don’t need to feel bad about doing for myself too.
There are so many aspects to me. My personality is like this cart stacked high with cases containing each trait. It is not my fault if someone forgets that for each moment of patient kindness, there is always a potential chainmail gauntlet ready to deal with ugliness shown from others. Most of the time each one is carefully closed and in its right place, but now and then… every now and then, a door flies open and you deal with the side of me that you have awoken!
I am me!
Head: LOGO, Tillie http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Eventide%20Far%20East/177/116/33
Pose: Gingerfish, Cinema Verite http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Brookhurst%20Cove/169/198/25
Hair: Stealthic, Ivy available at Kustom 9 http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/kustom9/125/126/21
Top: Just Because: Ursala available at
Jeans: Blueberry and Deadwool, DWL http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Lenox%20and%20Blueberry/129/163/29
Boots: Rebel Hope, Liz Mesh Wedge Boots http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Rebel%20Hope%20Designs/120/81/23
Picture taken on Elysion http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Elysion/170/107/34
One thought on “Unapologetically”
great piece here Deva, very eloquent! Hang in there. It’s helpful to write it all down like this. I’ve had a rough year RL so I can relate. “This too shall pass” they say about both good and bad so attitude is everything!